Where do I even begin to commiserate my hatred with this facial hair travesty. The goatee (a distant bastard stepchild of a beard) is typically adorned by only the trashiest of human beings. Usually found in and around trailer parks, prisons, professional baseball teams, pool halls and Harley shops, the pubic flaw is an excellent beacon for finding the members of the gene pool with IQ scores that rate on the lower end of the scale. It also tends to be the first facial hair style adopted by steroid using high school jocks. Urban dictionary offers us this definition:

Goatee- What douches use to identify their douchebaggery. The safest way there is to make sure no member of the opposite sex whatsoever even thinks about you twice.

Girl #1 – Hey, look at that guy’s goatee!
Girl #2 – Oh my god, he’s so unfuckable!
Girl #1 – Yeah, what a douche!
This definition is close, but in my experience I know far too many girls from high school that have ended up with men who have goatees, and have also yielded future flavor-saver offspring. Adding to my overall lack of faith in the future of the human race.
Why hate the goatee and those who blindly wear it? Because these people are the most grotesque inbred trash that roam America. Their enthusiasm for UFC, shitty beer, methamphetamine and lifted trucks is detrimental to the overall state of affairs in this beautiful land, and even has an impact on on foreign policy. But really you just look like you have a grip of pubes on your chin, dumb-ass.

About Things I Loathe

I have a lot to hate about the world. You would too, if you were smart.
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